The Mentor Ship

We all have something to give, something to share, something to trade. From those small, daily rituals, like holding the shop door open for a lady with a pram, to the biggies, such as teaching a group, running a committee, or creating a revolution, each of us has a part to play.

I often find myself in the humbling position of being a mentor to some of the people around me. Without fail, it's a these times of mentorship that i learn the most. I learn mainly because i am entrusted with a special opportunity of giving, something that is a precious and thankful experience. When i am teaching, i feel that it is I who is the lucky one, to see people around me who value my time, my experiences, and my expertise, where together we share a journey. We become a team, tacking the issues, and sharing the highs and lows that go along with every journey.

In this sea of opportunity, knowledge, and chaos, i find myself visiting ships which are heading for many different ports. Ships of fellow-artists, destined for greatness, cruise liners full of well-wishers and happy-go-lucky folk, boats of melancholic travellers, and random seafaring sailors, looking out for adventure and new-lands.

Being able to share is a gift. Whether you are sharing your art, or sharing your knowledge, exchanging is what community is all about. In our busy, global lifestyles, many miss that sense of a close-knit community, one where people trade skills, look after each other when the chips are down, gather to address issues, and have a sense of togetherness. But humans have togetherness regardless of how much our lifestyles have changed, and whether you find that in the local village or through a small group of likeminded souls, we all have a chance to mentor each other through our paths in our lives, in our art, and in our greater sense of the world as we know it.

Being a mentor isn't just for the teachers. It's for each one of us. From the small children who watch us with wonder, to the close friends who seeks our counsel. Always remember that ships are constantly sailing on this ocean of life, and that your perspective is just as important as anyone's.

Moving Forward

It's easy to get stuck in a loop sometimes. Memories and perceptions-revisited can give the creative artist a sense of being in a rut, standing still, or not moving forward. This can be reflected in one's work process or in ones output, where we feel a little bit like we're not evolving or challenging ourselves to explore new territories. Sometimes this can lead to frustration or a notion of being caught within the layers of our own psyche, unable to push forward or move beyond our own personal experiences.

http://www.redbubble.com/people/taniarose/works/6398091-celluloid

It's important for an artist to recognise that sometimes standing still is a part of the creative process. It's not necessarily an indication of one's abilities or denials, but an integral part of the journey. Sometimes taking the time to stand still and look intensively at the view for a long period of time can in itself bring about the insights which can lead to momentum. There is nothing wrong with exploring the one piece of real-estate over and over again. Perhaps there is something here that you've missed or that you feel the need to explore more deeply. perhaps you haven't been able to see the forest for the trees, or just maybe there's something more to explore here that just needs a little unearthing to find it.

Of course, most of us feel the excitement of doing something new. It's exhilarating and tantalising. But don't discount the benefits of staying in the one place for a while. Familiarity can breed it's own unique forms of exploration, and sometimes one can only find things previously hidden by hanging around and digging in the one spot for a while.

Momentum is a great thing, but don't dismiss your process just because you're not experiencing it all of the time. Stay still. be quiet. you might be really surprised at what you find :)

Share With Me

Share with me the creative process. 
For to me, 
this has more life-truth than the 
final polished piece i can hang on my wall. 
Reveal to me the rawness of the journey, 
so i too may feel i had taken it with you,
had seen what you had seen, 
had pained as you had pained, 
and loved as you had loved. 
For to me,
there lies the real beauty in the Art. 

The Working Artist

Most artists find themselves in a situation where they need to supplement their income...bread-and-butter money, i call it. Sometimes it can be related work, such as teaching their art, but often it's more likely to be in another arena, which can be the polar opposite to their work as an artist.

It's not easy jumping from one thing to another. After a day working in the office, it can be frustrating to find the right headspace to work on one's masterpiece. Even working from home can be fraught with a myriad of challenges, and many artists find that inspiration is elusive when you have the stresses of work hanging over you.

There are some ways around this. Getting into a groove or a routine can be helpful at times. Even if you don't feel the muse, just spending time in your creative work area can ease you back into the right frame of mind. Simply tidying up your workspace, or doing something else mundane in your studio can help get you back there. Sometimes, NOT having any goals can ease the expectations of achieving something, which can get you into a much more relaxed state, where you're more likely to find some kind of flow again. There's no need to put yourself under any more pressure than is necessary, and the small and seemingly insignificant things can actually turn out to be just what you needed.

Of course, sometimes a dose of serious pressure can be highly motivational. Deadlines can sometimes be the inspirational force necessary to birthing a new piece, and halting a state of procrastination. If it works for you, try and set your own personal deadlines, but be aware that too much unnecessary pressure can also be counter-productive.

The good thing about having a regular income is that it can save the stress of needing to sell something or deliver the artistic goods to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. If there's a way to earn money that is related to your artform, it's fantastic, but even if it's something completely different, it can give you the freedom to be free from financial worry. You're not necessarily "selling out" by taking that job (which is something i hear often from artists). It can be a great gift to have the freedom to work on your art without wondering if it's going to feed you next week.

Of course, everyone is different, and whatever your situation, there is always a way you can make it work for you. Keep it simple, and take it easy on yourself. If it doesn't work for you today, there's always another day tomorrow.

The Labour of Love

I love it when i'm "in the zone" in the recording studio, when the music just seems to come out of me from nowhere, and when something from that moment hits a kind of sweet spot. I love that feeling of synchronicity, even if some of the bits are a bit rough, a few notes pretty jarring, and some of the playing sounded a lot better to me when i was actually playing it.

And then, there's the labour of love...or hate in some cases...when the recording has to be fine-tuned, when the sharp edges have to be carefully ground down, and when the rough diamond has to be patiently cut and polished. Every artform has this process. It can be painful and damn-right annoying. It can see me spending more time walking away from it to clear my head that actually doing the work that needs to be done to make it presentable to the world. Because, you see, i want others to experience it that way i can see it's potential, without having to see past the roughness of the first draft.

Sometimes the process can take so long, i want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away and never return to it. Sometimes i scare myself, thinking that "if this keeps up" i may never finish it, or i'll get so "over it", that i'll no longer hear any magic. I occasionally wonder how long before that labour of love becomes the thorn in my side, especially when it's only a technical problem that's holding up the birth. It's enough fear to keep me motivated to get it done whilst the motivation is there, because i can never guarantee i'll feel the same about it tomorrow.

But recently i spoke of how much i enjoy being privy to the process of others, and so i made a decision...to share some works-in-process, with their warts and all. I've given myself a challenge to spend more time in the creating and sharing of drafts than in the polishing. I'm going to put aside my desire for detail, and leave things a bit raw and "not quite right". Maybe someone else might enjoy hearing my own progress through a piece as much as i enjoy watching another artist evolve their piece of art. Who knows. Maybe there's people out there who would actually prefer to hear drafts than listen to something slick and shiny.

And you know what? it feels GOOD.

You Have A Choice

When it comes to our communities, one of the most biggest concerns i have, is that people generally seem to think they don't have a choice. They feel trapped in by circumstances. They feel they can't make the changes in their life because life makes it impossible. "I CAN'T do my art because i have to work to get an income", "I HAVE NO CHOICE but to put my child in childcare, even though at the end of the day i'm only $50 better off", "I CAN'T be successful, because no-one will give me any opportunities". These are very real beliefs, with real feelings attached, and real people suffering as a result. So, are the right? Do we really have a choice?

I heard a great talk recently about work/life balance by Nigel Marsh on TED . It points out the obvious, that many people work long hours in jobs they hate to have money to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like. Sounds crazy, and it is, yet so many peeps find themselves in this lifestyle. Imagine if we could do things we are really good at, get paid for it, and spend more time with family and friends? Is it possible? it certainly used to be. In fact, only decades ago, a shoemaker HAD to be very good and passionate in their work in order to make a living in a small community. Carpenters needed to make things well and take pride in their work, otherwise houses would fall down, furniture would break, and he would fast run out of business. So what's changed?

Today we're surrounded by lies. These days, many businesses are concerned with covering their arse, because someone may sue them for doing a dodgy job. It's often about people trying to con their way "up the corporate ladder" to get more money to buy more expensive stuff (yes, i'm cynical, i know). It's about women leaving their babies with strangers so they can go back to work, so they can afford to put fuel in their guzzling 4WDs (SUV's) that they bought on credit for very odd reasons. And it's all based on the lie that THIS is success. More money = a better life. Try telling that to the kid, who never sees his dad because he works 6 days a week, always comes home after bedtime, and is grumpy on his day off because he is so wrecked from his job that at home he lives on a knife-edge. Try telling that to the daughter who wont learn to cook, because her working mother is so exhausted, she can only prepare pre-made dinners. Try telling that to the toddler who gets so used to having to trust everyone as she's bundled about, that she'll happily follow a stranger just because they smiled at her.

I can hear the angry mob brewing. Perhaps it's hard to take because it's true. It's hard to hear it, because most of them believe that life HAS to be this way. No choice = no change. People grow up thinking it's normal to hate their job, despise work, get frustrated with their relationship, and have no time for their family. But there are ways. No-one can change it for you. There is no wonder-plan, but if you are real enough about making some serious changes, then you can.

The most important thing about being able to change, is believing you can be empowered enough to do it. Once this idea becomes a BELIEF, you will automatically make choices which reflect that belief. It might start off small, by negotiating one day a week off, for you to spend some quality time pursuing something you love. Happier people work better, have better health, a better to live with, make batter parents, which in turn make better children. Happiness breeds happiness.

If you'd rather be doing something else, shouldn't you do something about it? And if you're not going to do anything about it, you'd be much better off starting to get happy about being where you are.

Partnerships

It's a tough thing being a solo artist, having to rely on your own drive and motivation to get you through some of the darkest times. It can be a lonely occupation, one which can end up having go round and round in circles, it would seem. Whilst i have discovered my own ways to get things happening within myself, it remains a constant natter at my door, turning me inward more often than not, as i find myself getting in the way of myself.

Sharing and Caring
Sharing your journey in a partnership is delicate. The only way it can truly work is if you have a give-and-take relationship. Everyone involved needs to be flexible and compassionate, as some things may matter more to one person than the other. Some tasks, (such as the business end of things), can take some negotiating, even in the simplest of terms, such as who is going to do what. It's hard to find a good, long-term relationship of trust, action, and equality. In some ways it's like a good marriage, where people are prepared to flex and grow with the times.

If indeed you are one of the lucky few to find such a gift of partnership, most important of all is communication. In this age of electronic comms, things can get lost in text translation, so keeping things real as often as possible is probably a good idea. If you live or work close by, this can be as simple as having a weekly beer at the pub to chat about the week ahead. If distance separates you, (something more and more common), tools such as SKYPE can keep you in touch face-to-face for free, across the globe.

Who Does What
You usually find that some peeps are good at some things, whilst others are good at other stuff. Working out which stuff comes easily to whom can make a huge difference. For example, if one of you is more comfortable on the phone, then it makes sense to have that person make a lot of the calls. Tech folk should obviously take-on the tech tasks, and writing tasks should fall to the one who is most comfortable with that. This can make a HUGE difference to how you feel about the workload and the peeps involved. If you get stuck on something, see if you can delegate.

The Creative Stuff
Of course the foundation of any good creative partnership is the creative arena, which was probably what drove you together in the first place (though partnerships arrive through all manner of needs). Maintaining a good creative practice will keep you solid on the business end. Momentum is so important. It shapes part of the feeling, and the knowledge that you're working on something that only came about because of a team effort. This is what we fall back on, when all the other business stuff feels too hard. It's what you will keep coming back to, so keep it moving. After all, at the end of the day, it will be what you showcase. No one will see all the 1000s of hours you put in to the website, the opportunities you chased, the arguments you had, and the procrastination you constantly felt at your heals. They will see the art. That's all they will have, so make it good.

MuscularRose aka Peter Grigoriadis & Tania Rose

Be Real
The reality is that people also have lives outside of the project. You can't expect people to put the project before all else, even though you yourself may be at times prepared to do so. Most artists also work a day-job for a living, have families, and a social life. High expectations can result in feelings of neglect and frustration, so you need to be realistic. If someone can only put in a few hours after work each week, but you're wanting more from them, you might have to adjust your thinking to save you from self-inflicted pain. Likewise, not everyone is going to be able to answer emails and messages straight away, even though to you it might feel urgent. Patience and understanding are two of the most fundamental assets you can have, as you'll be doing everyone a big favour.

Results
We all want results, but everyone has different expectations. If you communicate your very least expectations to each other, things might be easier in the long run. For example, if you are working towards an exhibition or an album release, then having your art on gallery walls or a box of freshly pressed CDs in your hand might be a wonderful and realistic goal. Selling your art might be a secondary goal, one which you work towards. If the whole basis to your partnership is based on making lots of money, you may be in for a rough ride. Expectations of this kind of outcome are pretty freaky, and can become highly stressful and intense. Not to say that you cant have this goal, but if you look at things in a stage-by-stage manner, you'll have a much more enjoyable ride.

People
Partnerships are people. This must never be forgotten. No matter how far you've come, what you have done, or what didn't happen, it's all about the personal journey. We are feeling, breathing, human people, so a partnership is all about that. It's a shared journey of a meeting of souls, a walk down the same path, a place where we meet, evolve and nurture each other. Sharing this journey, and taking a path you wouldn't take on your own, can be one of the most extraordinary and precious things you do. With the right people, you can create lifelong working relationships, deep friendships, and and understanding that goes beyond words.

Above All Else
Treasure these things for what they are. People come together for many reasons, and often out-of-the-blue. They are gifts, special chapters in our lives, taking us to new places within ourselves, and providing us with new opportunities of growth and exploration. If we learn from them, we can only become better human beings.

:)

A Gem amongst Gems

I wrote this in response to fellow creative Karin Taylor today, and thought i would share it, as i feel it relates to all of us artists...


We artists are unique creatures, compelled to create, frustrated by our own inabilities, scarcely acknowledging our strengths, emotional yet removed, intense and often flippant. Our passion can scarcely be matched, and our depth often self-destructive, yet we contribute more to the culture of humanity than any other group.

We are timeless. We are often misunderstood. We are dreamers of the highest calibre. We are timekeepers, and shape destinies. And we must live with ourselves through each and every moment.

The journey is, at best, extraordinary. Above all else, this is what we must remind ourselves.
For we have much to achieve, and very little time in which to achieve it. 

Live long and prosper, as you are a gem amongst gems

When Up Goes Down

The see-saw of having a creative vocation is a never-ending cycle. Inspiration soars, and then just as quickly disappears. Opportunity knocks, and then suddenly becomes silent. Our world revolves around the unpredictable ups and downs; income instability, creative surges and blocks, successes and failures.

One of the most valuable lessons for anyone in a creative vocation to learn, is that these peaks and troughs are a normal part of the game. What's important is to hold on to the knowledge that the down will end, and the upswing will come. Not by sitting back and doing nothing, but by continuing with a sense of momentum. Sometimes this momentum draws us into new enterprises and new ideas, which can then lead to new inspiration and new opportunities.

When you're in a downward swing, remind yourself that you've been here before, and that there is an upswing ahead. Do whatever you need to do in the meantime...re-evaluate your projects, do some housework, catch up on some admin, send stuff to people, reconnect with previous contacts, make new contacts. Sometimes simply doing something completely different helps, with an ultimate distraction which can get things flowing again. The important thing is to not stand still. Pausing is healthy, but doing nothing at all besides wallowing will only feed negativity.

Remember the law...for every action, there is a reaction.

When Opportunity Knocks

I'm a big believer in creating your own opportunities instead of waiting around for someone else to make an offer, but there are those rare times when opportunity does seem to knock of it's own accord. Then what?

It's never easy to know what the "right" thing to do is. In my world, this is because i don't believe there is a "right" way, only a series of choices that lead us to other choices...endless forks in the road. We all do, however, want the choices we make to lead us to realities which improve our circumstances, and create more opportunities, so when something wonderful comes along, realistically the choice would be obvious...to take that ball and run with it! Right? Well....

The problem comes down to self preservation. You see, most opportunities contain some kind of risk element to them. One of the most obvious risks is the one which involves drawing attention to ourselves, which can bring up all kinds of self conscious traits. Do I really want to do that? I mean, come on! If i expose myself, people might just see that i'm not some genius, i'm a total nerd, and even worse than that...someone might just ask me to do something that I've never done before, which i might FAIL!! FAR TOO RISKY!!

The truth is that we all do things that we have never done before in order to try new things we have never done before. We once took our first footsteps, which led us to walk, which led us to run, which led us to ride. You weren't born knowing how to operate a computer, or drive a car, or cook a meal...you had to try it first in order to find your way. In your career, this is no different.

So, when opportunity comes knocking, and surprises you with it's generosity, don't slam the door and run and hide under the bed. It's what you  actually wanted anyway. Just be careful what you wish for...

Sick

Being sick sucks. It bores me, on so many levels, except for it's one major drawcard...the only thing it has going for it....reflection.

When i'm sick, i think about things in a very different way. I consider what i'd REALLY like to be doing, and ask myself questions about what i AM doing. I take time out, doing nothing but nothing, which gives my head some free-thinking time. I imagine a myriad of possibilities, reflect on things i possibily hadn't thought of since the last time i was sick. I value simple things in new ways, and perceive the mundane in a new light.

I've always got momentum, always doing something, brainstorming, planning, making, trying...but when i'm sick, much of that stops. I'm a totally different me. I stand still. i wait. i stall for time. i stare. i simply stop. And sometimes, something wonderful appears...

Artists Boxed

I was interviewed today in a government artist survey.
As i have come to be accustomed to, i didn't quite fit into their boxes. The questions weren't adequate in their scope, and so i found myself and the interviewer (who, luckily for me, had some experience in understanding the music business) squeezing my work, my art, and myself into the various boxes of the questionaire.

It did get me thinking, though. It got me thinking about where i've come from, how i got here, and how hard i've worked to create my career. I thought about the choices i've made personally to fullfill a desire to persure my goals and my creations. i don't consider that i've made persoanl sacrifices, because i've always prefered to be poor and happy working on my projects than finacially seccure and hating my job. But i realise that i have made personal sacrifices, even though i kept a smile on my face.

Artists get used to not fitting in. We generally don't fit in to the usual boxes, and our works are often overlooked as being indulgent or unnecessary. Yet any historian will tell you that it's the art of all cultures that truly reflects society. Art, in all it's forms, brings people together. It's the music we listen to, the stuff we watch on television,  the shape of  your coffee mug and the design on your tshirt...everything that came from an idea is a part of the creative stream of our time. Art is an integrated medium, whether we want to believe it on not.

So next time you see that small scultpure hanging on the wall of your local cafe, bear in mind that the next inventer to see that could be sparked to create something that future generations can't do without in their day-to-day lives. That CD that you're listening to, might create a fashion revolution, inspiring a designer to draw to the music, and create something extraordinary, and that photograph in that magazine, could invoke a new way , a better way of dealing with climate change.

So, whilst we will never fit into any of the obvious boxes, consider us an all-inclusive package, right where your sitting, right now.

Make more stuff

I wish i would draw more.
I love to draw. I drew a lot as a kid. But i rarely do it now. I know other people who draw all the time, and they inspire me to draw more. But i've let it go. Now, i need to schedule in drawing time to my week. That's ok. It's better than not drawing at all. And when my kids first saw me draw, they were flabbergasted, immediately gathering paper and pencils to share the experience. Now, i WILL draw more.

I want to sew more. Sewing frustrates me, because i don't like following the rules. My mother used to sew a LOT. She is an awesome seamstress, probably because she had to make all of her clothes when she was a kid. But she follows the rules. She's pedantic and finicky with it. I'm haphazard, and go off on tangents. But i want to find a place in my life for sewing. She taught me how to sew. I don't want to loose anything she's taught me. Sewing is beautiful.

I've never had my own garden, one that i totally own. But soon i will. I want to fill it with plants that provide something, that contribute. Food, medicine, shelter....a plant for a purpose. But i want them to eventually be self-sufficient, surviving and contributing simply because they exist. I look forward to my garden.

What is Success?

The topic of success comes up time and again for artists. Everyone seems to have an opinion as to how successful you are, which things are more successful than others, and how much success is enough. But what is SUCCESS? Is it merely the freedom to allow yourself to practice your art?

I think we all agree that there are several sides to being successful. The public side (which doesn't reflect how clever, talented, or wonderful you are) is about media accolades more than anything else, at least in our contemporary world. It's about being popular more than anything, and to some, being popular and well-known is a form of success. People who are not artists often view this as a fundamental perception of success. If you make it to a prime time TV show, you finally have success. For an artists, it can be frustrating for Auntie Flo to belittle your work because you "haven't been on TV yet, not like so-and-so". It's important to keep in mind that being famous isn't being successful, and though many people believe otherwise, this is just a marketing and media ploy to manipulate the public to only take seriously what they control.

Let's take it back a bit and get a bit more personal with the artist. Sometimes works take months, even years to complete. Heart and soul, sweat and tears can be poured into a work of art, often in an isolated environment, where there is a whole introspective monologue going on inside the artists head. The fact that one can complete an artwork is a HUGE success. With so much complexity the artist has in their lives, it's an extraordinary thing, which deserves every accolade.

Making something public can be difficult, but many artists eventually find a way, and the stage is set for a "successful" public perusal, which often includes critiques or reviews of ones work. A bad review? A scathing attack? Do these quash success? No. Let me tell you something about critics and reviewers; they embellish, they create their own story, they are nothing more than a member of the public with a single personal opinion which they must justify in order to satisfy their own audience. A review is rarely about the art, but unfortunately often about the art critic, more's the pity.

What about money? Well, financial success is more about business than art. It really doesn't reflect whether or not something is successful. It's about finding a paying public in a small niche' market. It's about running a business effectively where your customer comes first, providing art specifically for them, and constantly evaluating supply and demand. Sure, an artist can make a squillion dollars, but it doesn't make them successful artists. They have just run or had access to a successful business.

So what is success? Success is really in the eyes of the beholder. If i've managed to get through some of my tasks for the day, i consider i've had a successful day. If i've sold 1 or 10 or even 100 CDs in a day, i consider it a successful day. If i have written a snippet of a new piece of music, had an inspiring thought, made a decision, done a good deed for the day, my day has been a success. I consider myself a successful person, not because i've been on prime time TV, or had great reviews, or sell my works, but because i live a successful life. Isn't that real success?

Cloisterers & Loiterers

You've seen them...
They're the ones sitting there in the corner on their own, at the pub, and the cafe', at your regular haunt. Almost always alone...thinking, watching (but not too obviously). If you sit close enough you can almost hear the cogs turning in their heads. Silent observers.

They might be a writer, perhaps an artist, possibly someone who seeks out the experience without participating in one. They are the Loiterers, an unassuming yet often misunderstood breed of creatives, who can easily spend countless hours in these places. Occasionally they'll find themselves so engrossed in a scenario that they'll laugh out loud, but rarely would they accept an offer to join you. The Loiterers are immersing themselves in reality, not participating in it.

Then, they pack up their notepads and memories, and go back to their world, perhaps to include their observations in their art, perhaps to ponder, and possibly to dream.

You don't really know the Cloisterers.
They usually only spend fleeting moments in public. Their world lies in their own sacred space, carefully crafted out of ordered chaos, or fanatical displays. Though they love to be invited, they'll rarely play, but if you're lucky enough to be a part of a small list of trusted people, you will have a friend for life.

Shutting out the world means there is plenty of room for a new one to emerge. A world full of complexity and creative reasoning. The Cloisterer lives in the world they have created for themselves, one that is safe enough for ideas to evolve and delicate works to be created. Their world is one full of dreams and aspirations, where the demons of the creative minds can be kept in check, and where the ebb and flow of the emotional tides can freely be navigated without justification or excuse.

Both the Cloisterer and the Loiterer dwell within each creative mind, sometimes simultaneously. They may at times be hidden by a layer of bravado or an extroverted or friendly personality, but they are there, underneath the surface. And sometimes a creative mind needs to sink into their shadow and explore them, though melancholic in their appearance.

The Cloisterer and the Loiterer are here to stay...

Creator vs Saboteur

Ahhh, self sabotage. Anyone who writes music, makes art, choreographs, writes, or does anything else creative knows how closely just that term hits home. Living within each one of us lurks the Saboteur, like a devil on our shoulder. Even when things seems to be going well, we can feel it hiding in the shadows, like a grim reaper awaiting it's victim. It stalks us...patiently...waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike us down, with lethal blows.

The Saboteur prays on our weaknesses, our doubts, our holes. It puts us on the defensive, where we feel we have to justify our place in the world, our community, our home, and even ourselves. And being a saboteur of the self, it remains hidden from view from all those around us. Only we are aware of it's presence, only we can hear it's taunts. It lives with us as we work, and we can hear it panning schemes of our undoing.

But people around us can see it's handiwork. i can see that you are your own undoing. I can see that the only thing stopping you is yourself. I can see that you're making excuses, finding reasons why NOT to do, and making assumptions based on fear. But YOU....you live WITHIN the world of the Saboteur. To you it's not that simple, because it haunts you every day, each time you question anything. For you, it's not as simple as being afraid people wont like your art...it runs much deeper than that. For you, it's layers and layers of torment, complication, and desperation, daily guilt, remorse, isolation, and regret. For you it's not as easy to just get on with it, get over it, and turn a new page. For you, it's the thorn in your side that never ceases.

But the Saboteur keeps you in check. It keeps the fight alive. Makes you work harder. To see the light you have to place it in the dark. It's voice, though haunting, can drive you to prove it wrong. You work is better because of it's unending presence. You scoff at it, laugh it down, drive over it with a lawnmower...mock it until it becomes little more than a shade of grey. It feeds you to do better, fly higher, create greater.

Self Sabotage will always be a part of artistic life. The trick is to use it's presence to empower yourself and your work. It is merely the yang to your yin, the night to your day. So long as you strive for balance, your never need to fear it's influence.

Artist or Fraud?

During the early days of my career (which i identify as being during my early 20's), i was just starting to find the courage to label myself a composer. This was a huge step for me psychologically because although i was working as a professional musician, writing music for film and dance projects and performing regularly, i lived in this fear than sooner-or-later i was going to be caught-out as a fraud!

It's a big word, FRAUD. It has all kinds of connotations with it, and the whole concept has a dirty vibe to it. That's what i felt. Like my dirty secret would eventually get out, and I'd be exposed as nothing more than a pretender, a fake, a low-life wanna-be. Pretty intense, hey. Yet people were paying me good money to write and perform music, i was getting great reviews, the projects i was working on received world-wide acclaim, there were awards and interviews....how was this possible if i was faking it?

So intense were my feelings, that i began to ask a few close artist friends whom i had the greatest creative respect for, "do you ever feel like you're a fake?". Unexpectedly they ALL said yes, each one of them reacting to the question with a sense of relief that they could finally talk about it. I discovered that not only was i not alone in my own feelings, but that this mindset was prevalent in creative vocations. There is an unspoken fear that eventually the artist will be sprung, and they would be forced back to the depths where they belong. Most surprising of all was my discovery that the more talented the artist, the deeper those feelings appeared to run.

Begs the question "why", doesn't it. Well, i can only answer this by drawing from what others have shared with me, and through my own experiences. So here's my theory...

"Talented" artists (we'll leave the discussion of what talent is for another time), often start out in a less traditional way. For example, I'm a self-taught musician, only taking lessons in music to sharpen up my skills and perceptions of my art form as a young adult. This leaves the door wide open to feel less validated and uncredited. Also, music to me comes so naturally...practically effortless. It's so enjoyable, it feels like there is no work involved in it, because most people class work as being something that one has to strive over and struggle with. Music also exposes a passion in me, one that is self-perpetuating...the more music I'm making, the more music i feel inspired to make. Plus, making music kinda gives me a high. All in all, it's such an enjoyable and easy process, fun and passion-invoking, that i feel like i must be cheating somehow.

I remember feeling this way when i used to improvise song arrangements on the piano as a kid to pop songs. I'd listen to a song a few times, and that was all I'd need. My friends would often need a few weeks working on it, but i seemed to already know it. I'd also just start singing harmonies to songs i barely knew...and knew no one else who could do that. i must have been cheating. I felt like i was, because i seemed to already know the answers. It makes perfect logical sense, except that of course there was no cheating involved, and no fraud...there was no deception.

It's about time that we as a society accepted that work doesn't need to be soul-destroying in order for it to be valid. We don't need to hate our jobs, our boss, and ourselves in order to show we work hard, and only then deserve some kind of return. And what is that term "working hard" all about anyway? Isn't "working well" a better description? Surely being effective is better than being hard. And if something comes naturally, isn't that a good thing? So many fantastic artists i have seen don't market themselves, believing their work can only be a hobby because it's something they love to do. DOH??!!

If reading this has struck a truth in you, then chances are that you have something you do that comes naturally and easily to you. It's called talent, not fraud. It's real, and humanity need you to share it, not keep it locked up in your closet. If you need to share how you feel, let it out now, don't wait 'til you're on your death-bed with a suitcase full of regrets. It's perfectly natural to feel this way, but don't let it ruin your journey.

Embrace your potential.
Express yourself.
Expose that which comes easy...because for so many other people, what you do takes hard work.
Your natural abilities are more valuable than any certificate you could ever get in your life...EVER!!

Fear & Excitement: same?

Performers, like myself, spend a lot of time in potentially nervous situations. Standing in front of a crowd who hang on everything you deliver is pretty intense, and in the studio you have an extremely short time slot to come up with some kind of magical essence that will move people. Those who perceive this as a positive experience can do it over and over again. Those who see it negatively will most likely crash and burn (as many creative people do). The pressure can be immense, but there is one simple thing that can make all the difference to anyone who finds themselves in a nervous situation...the perception of fear and excitement.

Your heart races, you feel butterflies flapping wildly in your gut, your breathing intensifies, you feel a sense of heightened sensitivity as your eyes widen and you limbs quiver with anticipation. Fear or excitement? It's both. The only difference between fear and excitement is the way you think about it.

Teaching singers to deal with nervousness is something i really enjoy, because i like a good mind challenge. Most of the things that get in our way are to do with how we look at things, ourselves, and situations, and there's a real sense of satisfaction when a performer can break through a hurdle having met the challenge head-on...literally. So lets look at the example of 2 singers waiting for an audition.

Sally is nervous. That's what she's been telling herself all day ("God, I'm sooo nervous. I wish i wasn't nervous. I can't handle this nervousness!"). She sits in the waiting area to be called, wringing her hands, trying to breath in and out like her mum used to tell her before the school play would start as a kid). She's is trying to relax, tries to distract herself from even thinking about her cold hands and her body's shaking by disengaging from the whole idea. "Don't think about it", she tells herself. "Think about other things". She withdraws within herself in an attempt to escape.

Jen is also waiting to be called in. She's been bubbling over most of the day. She was so excited this morning that she went for a short run before she got ready, just to settle herself. She's been thinking about the audition all day, humming out her songs to herself, playing it over in her mind as her butterflies flutter away in her stomach, but she's been telling herself "I'm soooooo excited! This is going to be so great. I'm so lucky to be here!". She didn't believe herself at first, tempted to called it "nerves", but she resisted. In the waiting area she feels the excitement level increasing. She paces the floor, bouncing on the spot every now and then to discharge her adrenaline, and keeps herself focused an in a positive state of mind. Her body is doing the same things that Sally's is, but Jen keeps moving and keeps up her positive mind speak.

The two have totally different experiences with their audition. Sally has spent so much of her time trying to distance herself from thinking about the audition, that she appears disinterested in it. She has been trying to keep her body so still by attempting to relax, that as soon as she goes to sing, her cells fire up from the build-up of chemicals and she loses vocal control. She gets really down on herself and has given up before she's even half-way through. She leaves in tears, gutted by another sense of failure.

Jan bounds in to the room, and her energy is immediately obvious. She's been releasing her adrenaline all day, so she maintains a lot of vocal control. She brings to her audition a sense of excitement and passion, and though she makes mistakes, she keeps positive and moves on, so well in fact that some of the panel don't even notice her errors. She leaves with a feeling of success.

The flight-or-fight response is our body's way of preparing us for engagement. Whether you call it excitement or nervousness, it's the same physical thing. Chemicals get released into our cells to prepare them with optimum power and strength, and are there to save your life. One of the mistakes people make when they have these feelings is to try and calm them down, but our body is geared up for battle, not for meditation.

If you focus instead on releasing the pressure physically (jump up and down, run around the block, etc), and tell yourself over and over how excited you are (even if at first you don't believe it), you can make a huge difference to your experience. You can then learn to USE that amazing zing and turn it into an opportunity to deliver in a way you can't when you're in your comfort zone. Harnessing this energy instead of denying it can turn a good delivery into something quite remarkable.

Are fear and excitement the same? Try it out for yourself, and you be the judge.

Cup Half Full

How i see it, there are 2 ways of looking at things. Either they suck, or they're good. And it's a choice you make, because things don't MAKE you unhappy, you CHOOSE to feel that way. Either you see things as a cup-half-full or a cup-half-empty.

It's not about your nature either. You can teach yourself how to view everything with a positive spin, even if you've been a pessimist all your life. You can teach yourself to tell yourself that it isn't as bad as it could be, it could always be worse, and to take whatever comes as an opportunity to learn, grow, become stronger, teach someone else, etc...

Let's face it, life is a gift. You were lucky to have gotten this far, and millions haven't. You can make the most of it, or wallow away in despair and give up. You can whinge and whine and make yourself feel even worse, or you can believe in the future and turn your situation around.

The cup is filled to same level, no matter how you perceive it, but i can tell you that if it's half full, you'll take great delight in rising to the challenge and turning any weakness into a strength.

Are We There Yet?

People often focus on the destination.
Nothing wrong with that. heading towards a goal helps us to achieve them, it motivates us...keeps us on track.
So what about the journey? What happens when the ONLY thing one focuses on is the destination?

Let's look at the example of the road-trip. You've put a big red dot on the destination, and all roads lead there. You calculate an estimate of the time it will take to get there, gather the means by which you can travel there, and work out a plan to implement the journey.

Things start out fine. That destination is all that you can think about, but it's a long trip, and keeping your eyes glued straight ahead has meant you didn't see some very cool scenery soon after you started. Oh, well. The sooner you can get there, the better, so cool views aren't really relevant anyway. The next day you set out on the second leg of the journey, and work out that if you don't make that lunchtime pit-stop, you just might shave half-an-hour off your journey. The pit-stop would have been great, because you could have relaxed, perhaps made a new friend, or even been part of some kind of great story, but your focus is all on the end result.

This goes on for another week before you finally arrive. But you've arrived worn-out, bitter about your crap journey, tired because of no down-time, frustrated with the little things like roadworks which got in your way, and you just feel like shit. Following your recovery, you begin to feel a bit jaded, because you poured so much energy and effort and frustration into getting here, and everyone seems oblivious to your efforts. This place was such a castle-in-the-sky in your mind, but in reality it's just another place...another starting point.

Your friend makes the same trip, and is excited about her destination, but she takes her time, meets people and sees places along the way. She takes it easy on the road and arrives with a myriad of stories about her trip, laughs about how long it took (twice as long as you), and takes a little time to reflect before happily exploring this new place.

Focusing on the end result only might get you there faster, but how much will you miss along the way? Is it worth losing your happiness over? Might you be so headstrong about the destination that you miss other opportunities? And if your destination itself is a state of happiness, wouldn't it be easier to simply enjoy life's journey?

Goals are great, and there's nothing like the feeling of achieving them, but if the journey sux, there's not much chance that you'll truly be able to indulge in the joy of arriving there. And once you get there, there's another goal ahead....or is that a journey? :)