Releasing Stuff

Releasing: 
To set free from confinement, restraint, or bondage ;To free from something that binds, fastens, or holds back; let go.

It's an interesting definition when you're an artist. This weekend i released a new music track ( FYI http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/taniarose10 ) and now i feel very much like the above definition. I have let it go, but having spent so much intensity on the work, i feel a sense of anticlimax...an emptiness. No need to be concerned. This is a normal part of the process for me, and quite a familiar one for many artists like myself.

Prior to a work's public release, it's something private....like a part of me that hardly anybody knows about. It's secret, and precious...something that's all mine. I write often, but only release from time to time. Not everything i write i like...not everything i produce i'm happy with. So the stuff that i do like and happy with is very special to me. And once it's "out there" in the world, not only does it no longer fit within the definition of being my own precious thing anymore, but also i can no longer nurture it by doing stuff with it. It's growth has ended.

Just like a painter or a sculpture, a music artist spends a labour of love moulding and shaping a piece of music. It takes time and dedication. It takes the belief in something that is part of you, yet stands outside of you. There are hours of frustration, longing, excitement, and faith in every single work which eventually becomes "released". There's an investment in thought, in passion, in dedication, and in trust....times when you face your own stupid demons, and also revel in your epiphanies. A piece of music, which ends up only 4 minutes in length, can have taken months and even years to produce. It can be filled with every extreme of an artists psyche, and only they can really know what it took to get it there. It's final birth is the result of an emotional, intellectual, and sometimes spiritual journey which can only be truly understood by the people who made it.

And so, it's the end of one thing.
I'll be off now, to wrestle with myself and something new.

The Working Artist

Most artists find themselves in a situation where they need to supplement their income...bread-and-butter money, i call it. Sometimes it can be related work, such as teaching their art, but often it's more likely to be in another arena, which can be the polar opposite to their work as an artist.

It's not easy jumping from one thing to another. After a day working in the office, it can be frustrating to find the right headspace to work on one's masterpiece. Even working from home can be fraught with a myriad of challenges, and many artists find that inspiration is elusive when you have the stresses of work hanging over you.

There are some ways around this. Getting into a groove or a routine can be helpful at times. Even if you don't feel the muse, just spending time in your creative work area can ease you back into the right frame of mind. Simply tidying up your workspace, or doing something else mundane in your studio can help get you back there. Sometimes, NOT having any goals can ease the expectations of achieving something, which can get you into a much more relaxed state, where you're more likely to find some kind of flow again. There's no need to put yourself under any more pressure than is necessary, and the small and seemingly insignificant things can actually turn out to be just what you needed.

Of course, sometimes a dose of serious pressure can be highly motivational. Deadlines can sometimes be the inspirational force necessary to birthing a new piece, and halting a state of procrastination. If it works for you, try and set your own personal deadlines, but be aware that too much unnecessary pressure can also be counter-productive.

The good thing about having a regular income is that it can save the stress of needing to sell something or deliver the artistic goods to keep food on the table and a roof over your head. If there's a way to earn money that is related to your artform, it's fantastic, but even if it's something completely different, it can give you the freedom to be free from financial worry. You're not necessarily "selling out" by taking that job (which is something i hear often from artists). It can be a great gift to have the freedom to work on your art without wondering if it's going to feed you next week.

Of course, everyone is different, and whatever your situation, there is always a way you can make it work for you. Keep it simple, and take it easy on yourself. If it doesn't work for you today, there's always another day tomorrow.

The Labour of Love

I love it when i'm "in the zone" in the recording studio, when the music just seems to come out of me from nowhere, and when something from that moment hits a kind of sweet spot. I love that feeling of synchronicity, even if some of the bits are a bit rough, a few notes pretty jarring, and some of the playing sounded a lot better to me when i was actually playing it.

And then, there's the labour of love...or hate in some cases...when the recording has to be fine-tuned, when the sharp edges have to be carefully ground down, and when the rough diamond has to be patiently cut and polished. Every artform has this process. It can be painful and damn-right annoying. It can see me spending more time walking away from it to clear my head that actually doing the work that needs to be done to make it presentable to the world. Because, you see, i want others to experience it that way i can see it's potential, without having to see past the roughness of the first draft.

Sometimes the process can take so long, i want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away and never return to it. Sometimes i scare myself, thinking that "if this keeps up" i may never finish it, or i'll get so "over it", that i'll no longer hear any magic. I occasionally wonder how long before that labour of love becomes the thorn in my side, especially when it's only a technical problem that's holding up the birth. It's enough fear to keep me motivated to get it done whilst the motivation is there, because i can never guarantee i'll feel the same about it tomorrow.

But recently i spoke of how much i enjoy being privy to the process of others, and so i made a decision...to share some works-in-process, with their warts and all. I've given myself a challenge to spend more time in the creating and sharing of drafts than in the polishing. I'm going to put aside my desire for detail, and leave things a bit raw and "not quite right". Maybe someone else might enjoy hearing my own progress through a piece as much as i enjoy watching another artist evolve their piece of art. Who knows. Maybe there's people out there who would actually prefer to hear drafts than listen to something slick and shiny.

And you know what? it feels GOOD.

Creative Tension

...that's what my friend Clare calls it. I'm refering to the stalling tactics i use on myself to avoid doing the very thing i love doing most of all...writing music.

I can go for weeks doing everything BUT working on my music. There's plenty of distractions...and i tell myself i know what i SHOULD be doing. But i don't go there. I keep promising myself i will, but can always find the perfect avoidance tactic at the perfect moment.

Apparently i'm not alone. It's something that a lot of creative people i know experience. It's an angel-on-the-shoulder experience for some, knowing full well that you would be far more productive getting that project out of your head and started already!

"You need creative tension to release the beast", says Clare. maybe she's right. It's gets to the point where it becomes almost unbearable, and i finally give in. THEN, the rapture! The momentum! Everything just pours out, and i envelop myself in it's bliss. It seems to come from everywhere all at one, and magically spills out of me.

"Maybe if you didn't experience it, you wouldn't have such powerful outpourings," says Clare. Maybe she's right.

So for now, i will just explore it's possibilities. Easy to say that when it's pouring out of you. But i have written this to remind me, and anyone else who needs reminding, that maybe she's right. Maybe it's a good thing after all.