The Labour of Love

I love it when i'm "in the zone" in the recording studio, when the music just seems to come out of me from nowhere, and when something from that moment hits a kind of sweet spot. I love that feeling of synchronicity, even if some of the bits are a bit rough, a few notes pretty jarring, and some of the playing sounded a lot better to me when i was actually playing it.

And then, there's the labour of love...or hate in some cases...when the recording has to be fine-tuned, when the sharp edges have to be carefully ground down, and when the rough diamond has to be patiently cut and polished. Every artform has this process. It can be painful and damn-right annoying. It can see me spending more time walking away from it to clear my head that actually doing the work that needs to be done to make it presentable to the world. Because, you see, i want others to experience it that way i can see it's potential, without having to see past the roughness of the first draft.

Sometimes the process can take so long, i want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away and never return to it. Sometimes i scare myself, thinking that "if this keeps up" i may never finish it, or i'll get so "over it", that i'll no longer hear any magic. I occasionally wonder how long before that labour of love becomes the thorn in my side, especially when it's only a technical problem that's holding up the birth. It's enough fear to keep me motivated to get it done whilst the motivation is there, because i can never guarantee i'll feel the same about it tomorrow.

But recently i spoke of how much i enjoy being privy to the process of others, and so i made a decision...to share some works-in-process, with their warts and all. I've given myself a challenge to spend more time in the creating and sharing of drafts than in the polishing. I'm going to put aside my desire for detail, and leave things a bit raw and "not quite right". Maybe someone else might enjoy hearing my own progress through a piece as much as i enjoy watching another artist evolve their piece of art. Who knows. Maybe there's people out there who would actually prefer to hear drafts than listen to something slick and shiny.

And you know what? it feels GOOD.

When Up Goes Down

The see-saw of having a creative vocation is a never-ending cycle. Inspiration soars, and then just as quickly disappears. Opportunity knocks, and then suddenly becomes silent. Our world revolves around the unpredictable ups and downs; income instability, creative surges and blocks, successes and failures.

One of the most valuable lessons for anyone in a creative vocation to learn, is that these peaks and troughs are a normal part of the game. What's important is to hold on to the knowledge that the down will end, and the upswing will come. Not by sitting back and doing nothing, but by continuing with a sense of momentum. Sometimes this momentum draws us into new enterprises and new ideas, which can then lead to new inspiration and new opportunities.

When you're in a downward swing, remind yourself that you've been here before, and that there is an upswing ahead. Do whatever you need to do in the meantime...re-evaluate your projects, do some housework, catch up on some admin, send stuff to people, reconnect with previous contacts, make new contacts. Sometimes simply doing something completely different helps, with an ultimate distraction which can get things flowing again. The important thing is to not stand still. Pausing is healthy, but doing nothing at all besides wallowing will only feed negativity.

Remember the law...for every action, there is a reaction.

One Step Further...

Sooner or later you come to a crossroads. You've created all of this fantastic music/art/groovy-stuff, and you get to a point where you have to take a plunge to move forward. It's a first. Your first CD, exhibition, book, sale...whatever it is, it's filled with as much terror as it is excitement.

We live in an era where we can't make up the excuses we used to. Anything is possible. We generally have access to the tools to make this project happen, but it's fraught with the pain of "what if". What if it doesn't sell, what if i get bad reviews, what if I'm rejected? But here's the thing...nothing in this world is guaranteed. There is no water-tight solution for success.

And what is success? I measure success in the ability to create something out of nothing, regardless of whether hoards of people come flocking. How many times have you heard of artists struggling all their lives, only to be recognised after their deaths because of their extraordinary contribution to the world culture? How many films have been dismally received only to become cult icons decades later? And how many cds have had no airplay, yet warm the hearts of a few? I told myself at the beginning of my career that if i could touch the heart of one human being, and move them to make a change for the better, my work was done. Then i read my first fan letter, a stranger whom i didn't know changed his life because he was inspired. I was moved so deeply that my heart cried, and i made an oath to myself that my work had only just begun.

I remember the angst of creating my first independent release. The decision seemed agonising, but i knew it had to be done. I owed it to my children, to lead by example, and i had always believed that being a closet artist was a selfish occupation. Being creative doesn't come easy to many, so the rest of us have an obligation to share what we do with humanity. I lent on that idea every step of the way. I had to learn how to keep myself out of the way.

My first boxes of CDs sat in a cupboard for many moons. I had no idea what to do next, so for a long while i did almost nothing. Then i decided there was nothing to lose, and thought that even giving them away had to be better than taking up space in my office. I gave myself a hard time. I struggled with the "what if"s, but i was stubborn enough to not give up.

Things are a bit different now. Not because all i touch turns to gold, but because i have a method...a process. I'm experienced now, so the fear is assuaged. I still wonder about failure, but each time i release something new, i remind myself that the only failure is to do nothing. If i end up getting stuck with a few boxes full of CDs, well hey!! So what! I'll always have a gift to give to a stranger. And what better gift to give is there that a part of yourself.

Creative PMT & the madness of being

Being a creative person has it's highs and lows.
On the positive side ...well, it's pretty awesome to start out with absolutely nothing and fill that nothing with a something that previously never existed. It's a feeling of total satisfaction...for a brief moment at least...and in my case it's very brief, as my need to create is insatiable.

The journey is always unique, always significant personally, and each project seems to capture and freeze a time frame in my life (which can be good when you're feeling great, or bad if life was feeling pretty shite at the time).

The preceding process is almost always filled with angst, confusion, and other crappy vibes. In fact, they're usually the first signs that i know a project is about to be born. It's like a kind of creative PMT. If i don't get on with it, that PMT can last for as long as it takes before i finally birth that baby! I also find that i preoccupy myself with everything BUT starting something, distracting myself with anything i can possible think of and making myself sink further into the abyss. We could spend a lot of time debating why it is i do it to myself, but my guess is that it probably stems from my boredom as a child, which is what encouraged me to create my own stuff. So perhaps i'm subconsciously trying to bore myself until i can't stand myself any longer. Whatever the reason, i seem to take on a dual-personaility, half artist and half mad-woman. i must be a pain to live with at times!

Once i've thrown myself in the deep end, i'm quickly committed. I truly enjoy the process of creation, starting out with something raw...an idea, a skelaton, a fragment, or perhaps nothing but the moment itself and a big empty. I enjoy the crafting of it, the tweeking, the exploring...it's like an adventure in a new place, unknown territory. I love to flirt with serendipity and chance, and make the whole thing feel like it has a free will of it's own. I become dedicated, somewhat fanatical, and definately obsessed with it's exploration. Until there's a technical problem, or more likely I become the technical problem, stubbournly dig my heals and then sulk...briefly... until i find a way to let go, relieved and content with serendipity's kiss.

As with many artists, my internal world is filled with contradictions, fears and passion, which manifest in numerous ways when i work. But most days my world is filled with motherhood, business, and friendship, and my creativity brews under the surface, growing and festering under my skin.

Life is good

Family & The New Year spirit

Like most folks, the New Year to me symbolises a newness, an opportunity to throw off the excuses and execute a fresh and new approach, where each step is one closer to the unreachable "grown-up" within. It's a time to proudly look back, and with excitement look forward. It's a time when a part of me wants to rush ahead without looking down, and crash through my own boundaries, even if it means grazing my knees.

As for the year that was, i am happy in many ways. In the case of recordings, the year finished with the recording of a children's CD, in which all of children and my husband Mark were involved. It was sprint to the finish, but we made it, and all still with laughter intact, and have a very special recording to share as a result. It's the favourite in our house...can't understand why...

2009 is shaping up to be another year of experimenting, and indulging in ideas that i have had for many years. A water album, perhaps (to follow on from the music of the air - Feather's Breath)...Serendipity is certainly playing her part in this, as she always does, literally handing me instruments and gadgets to record with. I also plan to spend more time recording songs, and see this as a major aspect of my time in the studio this year. There is much to achieve.

My friend Clare and i are still scheming with our photography projects, and have a lot of ideas and plans in the pipeline. Living in different parts of the country isn't easy, but we are planning to get together when we can and stuff ourselves silly with photo shoots and editing. Looking forward to getting my hands dirty!

There are lots of other opportunities to work with some fabulous Artists this year, and it's hard not to say yes to everything. I'd like to get back into drawing this year too, something i've been promising myself for some time now, and my sewing projects have now taken over half the house! None of them finished, of course.

So, less time online, and more time frontline, i think one could say. Maybe i need to turn that into a sign for my office....

Meditations have Arrived

It's proving to big a big year.
I have just finished recording FEATHERS BREATH, which holds a special place in my heart. It's the first public recording i have made without any electronic instrumentation of any kind. It happened out of the blue, without plan, without thought. In a few days it will arrive, and i am sooo excited.

Talking about an arrival...The SECRET HEALING CD arrived a few weeks ago. Here is is fresh out of the box...


I can hardly keep up with things at the moment. The CD went berserk in the first week, which is why i haven't even written a post here yet to let you know it's arrived!!

It's all a bit daunting when i'm waiting for the first run of a cd. I get a bit scared of how the artwork will print, and wonder if the recording will live up to expectations. It's all the paranoid stuff that creeps it's way into my psyche. I usually distract myself while i'm waiting by launching myself into other projects...but the wait alwasys seems endless...2 weeks feels like months.

I'm very humbled by so much support, and do apologize this news isn't hot off the press. Don't worry, for those of you hanging out for these meditations, we have plenty of them, and will keep plenty of stock in reserve.



If you click Secret Healing CD album cover, it will take you straight to our Artscope Music ebay store. I promise to be more prompt with giving you the heads-up when Feather's Breath arrives.

Smiles to all of you for your generous support, and wonderful emails.

I remain your biggest fan...

SECRET HEALING MEDITATIONS CD almost complete!

Yes, it's finally almost here. In a few weeks SECRET HEALING MEDITATIONS, my first spoken guided meditation cd is complete...so if you were planning to join the throngs who have been emailing me to ask when it will be released, you will no doubt hear about it soon.

As usual i've been working on several projects at once, and am getting very excited at them all nearing completion within the next few months. A second spoken meditation CD (no title just yet), and a long awaited recording FEATHERS BREATH will be following on the heals of SECRET HEALING.

It's been quite a productive time recently, though i have felt quite snowed-under with other things. The CORAL SEA DREAMING 2 film is nearing completion, with plans for release in 2009, and an assortment of other bits and pieces which may become more tangible projects in the next few months will keep me very busy for the rest of the year.