Thursday, September 15, 2011

Searching for the Muse

There are times when inspiration abounds, when i find magic all around me, in the smallest things. But then there are times of emptiness. Times where there seems to be nothing but a vacuum or a dark void. I get lost in it's vastness, the depth that seems to never end.

I'm not the kind of person who is generally inspired by nature, though i love it immensely. But it's not the kind of thing that inspires my work. My music has always been an exploration of the human experience, and the endless layers that make up that reality. It's so hard to explain, because it's not something in which words can express completely, which is probably why i have found i tend to gravitate towards writing music mostly without lyrics. Without words, the music can speak of many things...something different each time it is played, even.

So, as a consequence of my inspiration, i tend to find that it's humans who inspire my work. And there are times when i feel such a need to express something that's so close in my heart, but there is no conduit. It's like knowing that there's someone trying to call you on your phone, but your phone has no reception.

It's usually at a time of some kind of personal awakening that i lose my muse. My muse can be anyone...a perfect stranger, a friend, or someone who just arrives in life. But the emptiness of a muse-not-yet-revealed becomes more than a frustration. It grows into a deep yearning. It clouds all of my thinking, and devours my day. No matter how hard i try to ignore it, it plants roots inside of me, and creates havoc. It's like yearning for a lover who lives across the waves, and the ache is insatiable. And there's the tease that at any moment, you could stumble upon it unannounced..

So, here i am, observing my emptiness. I will keep searching for the Muse, for though i feel it is a fruitless exercise, i live in the hope that maybe, just maybe...